Cue the crisis of confidence. That’s what the past three years has done. I mean, motherhood in general is enough to take you down a peg or two.
But can I confess something?
(For the record, I don’t believe anyone has ever said no in response to this question. Because it often precedes some really interesting stuff. Often, but not always. Allow me to demonstrate.)
I mentioned that I struggled to find the words over the past three years, but I have struggled with writing since the very start.
Not because I don’t love writing. I love writing. Almost as much as I love reading. Since my grandmother taught me to read at the age of four with the Dick & Jane books, words have been a special magic for me. They have kept me company, they have comforted me. Some of my best memories are sitting in my grandmother’s green rocking chair, a bookshelf of Reader’s Digest books to my left, my grandfather in his chair to my right. Words have always brought me peace.
So why is writing them so difficult? Why do I doubt myself the minute I sit down to string words together?
The struggle came from a question that continuously haunted me. It has caused a crisis of confidence time and again. And I let it completely paralyze me. The question is:
What happens when you aren’t a hockey mom anymore?
Y’all. Do you see how ridiculous that question is? That one question paralyzed me more often than not. Because I know I won’t always be a hockey mom. I am fully, completely aware that this chapter of my life is temporary.
There will come a time when my kids do not need me to take them to the rink. There will come a time when I won’t have to plan around three different ice times.
Some day, in the not so distant future, I will be able to sit on my couch, in my spot and read my book from sunrise to sunset.
And I will no longer be a hockey mom. At least, not in practice. So what happens then? Can I still speak with any kind of authority on the subject?
This is how my brain operates. It is always thinking ahead of where I’m at. Does it rob me of the present? No, I can enjoy where I’m at when I’m there and still overthink about the future. Multitasking, what hockey mom isn’t a professional multitasker?
But this does stop me from pushing my boundaries. It definitely stops me from putting myself out there. At the end of the day, anything I say here is my opinion. It’s my perception of things. All of it.
So here’s the answers I came to.
Yes, eventually I will no longer be a hockey mom. I will have raised my kids in sports. I will have developed habits and routines that will have to adjust when they no longer revolve around a rink. But they will still be a result of raising my kids in sports.
Can I still speak with authority on the subject? LOL, I’m not really an authority now. All I’m doing is giving you one person’s perspective. One person’s experience. Every level of hockey is different. Every hockey association is different. And every hockey mom manages it differently.
So yes, I can speak with authority on my experience. That’s what I have to offer.
Somewhat related to that, I came across this quote not too long ago and it helps me reorient myself when the crisis of confidence in myself hits the hardest.
“If I’m too much, then go find less.” Brilliant.
So if what I have to offer is not enough for some, then this is not the place for you.
If that’s too much for others, you are welcome to go find less, as this is also not the place for you.
For those that stick around, hi friends. Let’s grab a cup of tea.
And I’ll see you at the rink.
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